So I kept getting crash after crash, error after error this evening until finally I noticed that the problem report was referring to Xcode-beta.app. I had renamed the beta to enable my Keyboard Maestro macros to keep working. Restoring the default name fixed the issue.
Tonight’s lesson: do not rename the beta
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If you want to rename Xcode-beta.app, you can work around this issue by erasing the sim device to its default state. (Choose ‘Reset Contents & Settings’ from the Simulator menu).