Announcing the Thud Programming Language

Thud is an uncompiled programming language based on rocks (also known as “sedimentary development”). Thud is natural, organic, easy to read, and easy to write, as it consists entirely of the keyword Thud.

Thud is type safe and thread safe as Thud has no types or threads. You may type the word Thud in any medium regardless of physical state, with an intrinsic guarantee that each atomic Thud cannot and will not metaphysically interact with any other Thud.

Thud has a low learning curve, regardless of language background. Most developers will be able to Thud in as little as thirty easy lessons.

As Thud is uncompiled and will not run on any computer, it has a very low memory footprint, depending on the local geographic features of the implementation site. Individual instances may be thrown at LLVM developers, who will emit ouch, although this is an unexpected benefit and not a result of the non-existent optimizations built into the toolchain.

Thud is static. Any Thud errors (for example, Thump or GastricDistress) can safely be ignored by any Thuddist developers. Type annotations are unneeded, as are Thud debuggers or Thud unit tests. To ensure correctness, one may throw a Thud at a nearby barista, tax auditor, or neighborhood association chairperson, regardless of LLVM background.

Thud is inherently nullable. That which has no Thud, is not Thud. All instances are therefore automatically guaranteed for thuddability, as non-thuddable elements are not Thud, or on every second Thursday, spork.

Thud includes a powerful macro system for metaprogramming, consisting of leaving Thud instances alone, as they aren’t meant to do anything in the first place.

Thuds can exist concurrently, although there is no mechanism for cross-Thud communication, shared memory, or metamorphic rock formations. Although Thud has a “C-Binding Manifesto”, a lack of developer availability means that at the current time, developers must make their own mean-spirited comments towards C-APIs rather than relying on each Thud‘s natural disdain.

Thud does not allow dependencies, ensuring that you will never encounter errors when using ThudPods or Delenda Est decentralized repository managers.

Thud is not hosted at GitHub, simplifying the need to respond to trivial pull requests and user-sourced corrections. You can support Thud by sending large envelopes of unmarked cash to my personal address.

4 Comments

  • Thanks, but I’ll wait for the Thud.js implementation

  • Erica Sadun -> Methodia Rascal

  • Does Thud have a 7elephant.prcht library built in?

  • You’re early. Are there any plans for WebThud?

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